Step Up !!! And pounce!

Whoo hoo!!! I m back on my feet now. 3 months has passed since i stood down from ministry. I m back, ain't black, and bad!!! What i hav been through this 3 months was a strong training time.

God totally brought me down to the lowest point of my life. Tho ppl see me like still ok, but in the inside... its just a bundle of frustrations, and depressions. During this 3 months, there are many aspects of my life that God hav actually dealt with. Especially my characteristics, personalities, attitudes, conduct, mindset/mentality, spirituality, ministry, family, studies and other social life, and my sins (sadly, not physical). I hav to admit, i was doin not good these 3 months, there hav been so many compromises of the flesh and failures but i learned alot. These times were the peak of my depression since my taiwan trip, i felt so confused about almost everything.

Last time i was more competent, i was more anointed. But since Taiwan, my spiritual life and anointing have detriorated as God is beginning to take it away especially these 3 months. Why? Well, i was responsible for it. Why? Well, its because my biggest issue in my life its my pride. He had to break me to the lowest point of my life including taking away His anointing from me. When i read my bible, little answers are given, when i worship on my own or publicly... there was no improvement of my situation. These are the times that God was silent towards me. I felt useless, and pointless, and dry...totally DRIED UP. I told God, that these 3 months was useless, and that i m still in square 1 and aren't moving forward. But my idea of moving forward, was wrong. Little did i know, my Father is tearing me down to build me up.

Its when we are at our lowest that when we feel totally incompetent and useless that God is gonna lift up. So that we wont recognized that we can bear fruit by ourselves, but only through Jesus. (See John 15). It was my pride that have blinded me in saying "I can do it, if i try harder, and if people would change their...". Little do i know that all power comes from God, only the Lord giveth away, and the Lord taketh away. It was king Nebuchanezzar that God hav brought him to his lowest, and his understanding was like of an animal. My Father in Heaven actually have to stuff me with much humble pies, and my recipe for my humble pie its by swallowing my own pride in order to prepare me to learn and change, my lowest point (for now). And like that king, i recognized the power of God in my life, and that wherever i m today, can only be determined by God. He is the one that can anoint & empower someone.

Not only that, i was indulged in sin so badly during these 3 months. I felt so weak spiritually, and always made the wrong choice in sinning. Spritually i was dying... I lost my identity in God, tho i wen to the church camp, frankly...it did not really help me, but more of a strong reminder...but I needed something more...

During saturday (27/09), God used terence in so many ways in ministering to me. And have helped me understand so many things tat i was going through. I did not recognized my identity as a son of God. Yes yes, i knw i m a son of God, but it was just the surface. Through Jesus, i can now call Him 'Abba' Father. And have heighten my love for Him so much more. God even reveal to Terence a vision of the Father taking my hand, leading me out of the fog. That vision explains the reason i was so confused in so many things, and my lost-ness. And true enough, my mind is revived. And not only that, i felt so strengthened on saturday that i feel like i ain't gonna fall into sin for a long time. Well, i did not achieve these greatness, but my Father gave it to me. Tho He have taken my anointing away, but he has given me a double portion of anointing now.

The 3 months was a nightmare of discipline from God, and the last week of these months was my revival... and BREAKTHROUGH. In these 3 months, i learned to dialogue with God (yes, u heard me). I dun hear Him in audible voice...but it is the Spirit of God that talks to me in my heart and let me feel His presence of peace and affirmation... confirming me with many people's prayers, and their visions. Tho it looks stupid talking to myself, but... to HELL with what people say, man are so shortsighted and blind and judgemental. Not only that, in the last week, I now have a different view of God right now, and its awesome. No words can describe how beautiful, and amazing God is, its always a mystery when it comes to the spiritual realm.

And it doesnt stop here, to bro joe and sis elaine, chan tai low, pr tom, bro mike & sis hannah, bro terence & Courageous CG. You all are my strongest supporters through out all these, thank you for your love, kindness, wisdom, knowledge, encouragements, prayers, advises, prophecies, and visions that u have received from God and have in obeying God, supported me in many areas.... (Pls dun feel left out if i din mention ur name, u all played a part, without u, there's always a missing puzzle.) Some of u have even welcome me warmly into ur homes and hav let me feel God's love so tangible through all of u. Thank you...

Well, ofcourse, the enemy will try their very best in bringing me down right now... but they aint gonna succeed... coz i got the blood of Jesus given to me!! There's power in the blood of Jesus, that no enemy has it. Theologically, its not just for the washing of sins, but power of victory.

Now i hav poured out all i wanted to poured out... i hope u can hav a clearer picture of what i've gone through. Enough is said about myself for now, i hope this post will encourage you spiritually and mentally. May the love of the Father be so tangible for all of you. Godspeed!!!